Physical attraction has always been an important factor in bringing partners together, but it is not the only factor. When college students were asked to paint a mental picture of their ideal partner and relationship, both males and females rated three factors most highly: (1) personal characteristics relevant to the development of intimacy and loyalty; (2) personality and appearance characteristics relevant to levels of attractiveness, energy, and heatlh; and (3) characteristics relevant to social status and resources. In terms of the ideal relationship, the two most important factors were (1) the importance of intimacy and stability and (2) the degree of passion and exitement.
However, not everyone chooses a date according to what they desire in a long-term partner or relationship. In one survey, 1,135 college students were asked to name three qualities they considered to be the most important in a date and then to name three qualities they considered most important in a spouse. The most important characteristics in a date were primarily extrinsic characteristic: being physically attractive, having a congenial personality, having a sense of humor. The most important characteristics in a spouse were primarily intrinsic qualities: being loving, affectionate, and honest. This pattern was true for both males and females. These findings suggest that youths tend to look for somewhat different qualities in a spouse that in a date, a fact that may hinder the selection of a compatible marriage partner. If dating is the primary means of mate sorting but different qualities are desired in dates than are expected in spouses, how can suitable mates be discovered through the dating experience?
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